Okay, I think I've officially decided I don't like being an adult. On Wednesday morning, a partner from our Philly office called me and offered me a job in their corporate law department. Mind you, I've been thinking about moving closer to home for weeks (especially since gas prices are going up), but I hadn't actively been looking to move jobs. And honestly, I really respect and enjoy working for my boss. So here it is, the job I've been waiting for, which will allow me to take public transportation and read and relax the entire way to and from work. I won't have to deal with traffic or weather or crazy ass drivers anymore. And, I can work in a really cool city in the biggest building in the skyline, meet lots of people, make lots of great contacts, and learn a whole new area of law. Sounds great doesn't it?
So why am I so cautious about saying I want the job? Tony keeps reminding me I can't focus on things like the fact that Martha is in Delaware, and that's why I'd want to stay here. And silly though it is - since he pointed out he didn't think that as much as she loves me, she'd move her job to NJ just to spend more time with me - I'm still having a hard time being okay with not being close to her. She has been like a sister to me - and has helped me through one of the toughest times in my life. I love her very much, and enjoy Friday lunches with her when we gab and gossip and laugh and shake off the stresses of the week and life together. So it's hard to think that I won't have that anymore. I worry that me moving my job to Philly will mean that we don't really see each other anymore. But then, I guess that comes with growing up and working - making tough decisions that are good for you, but you don't want to make. One of my coworkers told me that she and a good friend of hers only see each other four times a year, but it's always like they pick up just where they left off. And while that does seem comforting, and I'm sure that Martha and I can manage to see each other at least four times a year, I just worry about how busy we both will become.
The other difficult part of the whole thing is - I really love working for my boss. And he did just fight very hard for me to have a bonus for last years work, and he's said all kinds of nice things about me, etc. He's also had a lot of issues keeping a secretary lately, and I know that the news that I will be leaving, whether it's within the firm or not is not going to be easy for him. And it's not going to be easy for me either. I always worry that the next person I work for won't be as cool as him, or as understanding as him, or as completely blase as he is about everything - when I make a mistake, or need time off for skating, etc. And it'll really stink, because I think he's just really gotten comfortable leaving me in charge of all kinds of things now that he knows I can handle it, and he won't look forward to having to deal with that all over again. I guess those are the growing pains of a business - but I think he likes the work I do and likes having me around.
So, although I'm sure I'll choose to go to Philly, I get knots in my stomach just thinking about it. Having to meet all new people and get acclimated to a whole new environment is just a little nerve-racking for me. I'm not good at that to begin with, and then add all the other whatifs in, and it makes a recipe for disaster where I'm concerned. I just hope my dad will give me the guidance I need to make the right decision, and that it'll all turn out okay in the end.
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